I remember sometime in the past when I was working in Imo Broadcasting Corporation owerri, Imo state as a drama producer for both radio and television productions. Then I was staying alone with my children while my husband was in Rivers State. He visits us every other week and its usually fun each time he visits. The children got to spend time with their father for the whole weekend. Sometimes he takes us for an outing and we eat out for that day. This enabled him to understand the children, their problems and needs, hopes and aspirations. He tries his best to make up for his absence.
As he gets busier by the day and travels out of the country most times, he asked me to resign from my job and join him in his business in Port Harcourt . Which I did. These proximity has really increased the love we have as husband and wife and with the whole family at large. You need to see him play with the kids as if they are his mate or rather the other way round.
Breaking boundaries with your kids, does not really take much. All that is required is first of all to make an honest decision on , when and where how you need to go about it having in mind your work schedule and your kids happiness.
Try and work around your schedule and accommodate your family. Don’t use you busy schedule as an excuse. Once in awhile take your family out, it fosters more love and cohesion in your family. The happiness and progress of your family should be paramount in your marriage. You can only get along with your kids if you spend quality time with them.
If you feel that taking the family out will take so much from you, then you can device other means of family togetherness. U can play football, table tennis, scrabble, even a game of ludo with your family can create fun. Bring yourself down to their level.Don’t shout or abuse your children in such a manner they are scared of you and even preferred you are always out of the house.show them love. encourage them, do not use abusive words on them. Remember, there is power in the spoken word. call them what you want them to be. not stupid, foolish or good for nothing.No! no! no! no!!
This is the only way you can bring them closer to you and make them open up anytime they are troubled. They will confide in you instead of in one uncle, aunt or even their peer groups who might give them wrong and misleading advise.
This is applicable to the women. Off course the women naturally are to spend more of their time with the kids than the man. But due to, our insatiable quest for material possessions we prefer to spent most of our time pursuing wealth leaving our children at the mercy of house helps or neighbors.
We mothers have so much to do where our children are concerned, especially the girls. I always tell my girls the story of my growing up as a beautiful young and most sort for girl in my class school and neighborhood. i was nick named ‘don’t touch’ because of my attitude to men. I was so bold and self confident that I don’t allow men to intimidate me.If any man or boy come around to toast me as we call it in those days, I have already concluded that all they are after is to go in between my legs and leave me with a shattered heart afterwards. As such I will tell them off. no man was able to sweet tongue me into a relationship.
I tell them all these stories so as to prepare them ahead of time.So we have to do all we can to bring our children close to us. we should be a role model to our children, some one they can look up and confide in. otherwise, others will take advantage of them.
Most of us are familiar with the story of a house help who did all manner of things to a small child including kicking, throwing the child up and about like football which went viral on social network. I also heard the story of a house help who fed a baby with its excrete. Gush this is share wickedness and child abuse.
What of the story of a child, the only daughter of her parent, who was beheaded by one of her relatives, and of another child who was raped by their landlord. Cases of child molestation and rape abounds. Is it the current story of a man who slept with her daughter and got her pregnant. Oh my Gush, this is appalling. An abomination, a sin against God and humanity.
Most children can not confide in their parents because they are too strict and serious with them. Yes it is good to be strict, to lay down rules for the children. But we should not be too rigid, and officious at home. A home should be a place where one should be relaxed, free and be at piece with.
What kind of a home do you have? A military cantonment, a war zone, a ‘Fuji house of commotion’ or a place where the kids would want to eagerly return to after school?
Try and evaluate your position with your kids to know if you broken boundaries with them, if you can comfortably and confidently say; I have my kids by my side.Do your kids miss you after you have traveled out for a long,or even a short time? You can ask them yourself and you will marvel at the answers you will get.
We as parents need to do more than providing for our kids basic needs of food, clothes, shelter, education and health. So that we don’t lose them. Devise a means of staying closer to your kids and win their confidence. Don’t say it is too late. You can start now.
ALL THE BEST.