Some couples end up regretting ever getting married to their partners, while other are thanking God for given them a good wife or husband. How does one ensure that he or she does not end up regretting ever hooking up with their supposedly life partners?
A number of things need to be put into consideration. Today am going to take up the issue of ‘courtship’. What contribution does courtship offer in strengthening relationships?
Let me first define the term courtship. The dictionary meaning of courtship is a period of time a couple develop a romantic relationship before getting married.
There are other reasons why couples should court before they get married. One of which is to study the others behavior or character and gather copiously every information they need about each other which will enable them decide whether to continue or not in their relationship.
I have seen and heard of marriages heading to a crash as soon as it was established.
An uncle of mine got married to a woman by recommendation and they never courted. Little did he know that his wife is as temperamental as he is. They pick quarrel at every little thing. Fighting could pass for their middle name. Their marriage did not last for two years before the broke up.
There are some instances where by couples who courted still divorced. But the ratio of this occurring is 8:2. In this case one of the couples may have been living under pretense.
During courtship one should be able to detect when his partner is merely living under pretense.
Due to the fact that a lot of us go into relationships with our minds and not our heads, detecting falsehood seems somewhat difficult.
I am going to treat ways one can dictate when his spouse or partner is cheating or pretending, but that would be a story for another day. So let’s focus on the matter at hand.
Some religious fanatics frown at courtship before marriage. Their reason being that couples who are courting are exposed to sex before marriage. But sex before or after marriage is not the focal point here. The crux of the matter is that couples should have enough time to study and adjust to the nuances of each Individuals character so as to enable them make a better and accurate judgment leading to their making the right decisions.
The issue of choosing the right partner for marriage is very fundamental in any relationship which is why am giving it the first priority in this platform. Any mistake at this stage will be drastic especially when children are involved.
The foundation block of any society is the home front. Any house built on a faulty foundation is bound to collapse. Likewise any marriage founded wrongly is heading for the rocks.
Let me take you a little backwards to the issue of sex during courtship. Some view it as a sin and unhealthy which is why they discourage courtship. I can confidently tell you that one can court without having sex. It all depends on the individuals concerned and their r mindset. I am a living example of this. Let me tell you a story.
In my younger days. Immediately after my secondary school to be precise, I met this young and very tall man who was a fresh graduate from Abia State University Uturu. He proposed marriage to me but I turned him down because what was uppermost in my mind as at that time was to further my education. But he couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
My God this guy pestered me so much that I began to hate the sight of him. He will beg, cry, kneel down just to curry sympathy from me, I never liked him one bit. I did all manner of things to him to discourage him from coming to me again. All moves was like pouring water on a stone. I poured water on him, even slammed the door on his face. One day I jammed his finger when he refused to live and was dragging the door with me. His fingers got stuck on the door and I refused to release the lock in spite of his screaming. He had to force his fingers out.
I was callous, right? Yes, i agree but understand that I did it on purpose, to end all his disturbances. But alas, the meaner I was to him, the more he increases his pestering. My gush! How unbearable.
My elder sister advised that I give him a chance as she was convinced that all his pestering was driven by the love he has for me. I decided to give him a chance, not out of love though, but because I had no other option. I told him that I will only do so on the condition that sex must not be involved in our courtship and he accepted. For six months we courted, and I discovered who he truly was. A smoker, a womanizer, a talkative and worst of it all was that he is too possessive. Any man that as much as look at me, was a candidate of trouble. I just couldn’t cope with all these.
As I got admission to study theatre arts at the at the Nnamdi azikiwe University, the following year I called it quits with him.
I was able to discover all these, courtesy of courtship. If I had jumped into marriage with him, I would have been immersed in the ocean of regrets by now.
So please when next you think of marriage, please think of courtship as a prerequisite.
ALL THE BEST.