The preceding weeks, and months were like ‘A Daniel in the lion’s den’. The only difference between the Biblical Daniel and this movie of mine rolling out before you is that God was with Daniel and the lion did not devour him, but in my own case God was not with me or so I thought then and the lion really dealt with me. My husband Davies (not real name) went into his ‘character reservoir’ and brought out all the bad side of him he has been hiding from me. I began to recollect what he told me about the girl he was previously engaged to marry but which did not work out. The reason which he gave me was that the girl was troublesome, always fermenting trouble at the least provocation and fights him all the time. He told me that one day he gave this particular girl #10,000 as against the #15000 she demanded for and pleaded with her to manage it as he has not received his salary for that months. Instead of the girl understanding with him, the girl hooked him up on his shirt’s collar and told him that he won’t go to work that day. This he said resulted in a big fight that morning and he ended up going to work very late and was quarried.
Another incident which he said was the last straw that broke the camel’s back happened at one of his friend’s house when they visited him one Sunday evening. I can’t really remember what he said that happened exactly, but I can actually remember that he said he just cracked a joke with her and she landed a slap on his face right before his friends. Being the kind of person, couldn’t take the insult so he decided to break up with her.
Initially I blamed the girl for her irrationality. How can a woman slap her husband before his friends? I wondered .But looking at the situation critically now, I have come to the full realization using my situation as a case study, that most of the times, the fault was his. He is the trouble maker here. It was just a situation of a pot calling kettle black or rather, calling a dog a bad name to hang it.
One particular Friday morning I insisted that he gave me money to buy my body and facial soap and cream and then to go do fix my hair as I was looking so unkempt. He told me that what he has with him was not enough and that if he gave it to me, it then means we won’t have anything to eat the preceding week. I replied telling him jokingly that even if it means our going hungry, no problem. So I insisted on his giving me the money that day. I acted this way because countless times I had asked him for money for the same thing and countless times he has been giving me excuses.
Feeling defeated, he threw the money angrily on the floor and left for work. Happily, I picked up the money and got dressed up ready to go for shopping at least happy that for the first time in about five months since I got married, am going to look beautiful again.
I remember my school days people come to me to request for one dress or the other so that they can make the style. I had this habit of wearing clothes in a different and stylish manner that you can never get somewhere else. I was nick named ‘the fashion lady’ because of this. Even when I was very small, anytime my mother buys a dress for me that I don’t like, I will add or remove a design that when you see it you will be marveled. My mother then used to tell me that I should go to a fashion school to enable me perfect on my God given talent.
Now you can see what a bad husband or do I say the wrong choice of husband had done to me. It made me loose self-confidence. It made me ashamed of myself as a married woman comparatively. It turned me into a haggard and unkempt woman.
My joy was short lived as the following day he used my statement against me and refused to give me money for foodstuff which he normally gives me ones every week?
You won’t believe it, throughout the whole week I practically begged to feed myself. It was not that he does not have money. This I know because it wasn’t long he received his salary but he did it to punish me for making him give me money against his wish.
All this time, he refused to talk to me. When I greet him, he only answer, ehm. At a point, I got tired of the whole hullabaloo. Two days letter I decided to bury the hatchet, I knelt down and begged him to forgive whatever I did or said to him the other day. Do you know what he said to me? He told me that if it is because of my weekly feeding allowance that made me decide to beg for forgiveness, that I should take my mind off it as he will make sure that I get the punishment I deserve. And he remained true to his word.
That whole week was more than hell fire for me. I was advancing in my pregnancy and I get hungry so easily so I tend to eat larger portion than I used to. The fact that am pregnant could not even make him have a little shift in his decisions.
My god!! ‘I don enter, na now I know wetin them de talk about marriage’. Bitter and sweet. But in my own case, I have had more bitter experiences than I have had the sweet ones. ‘Na so I go dey’ I asked no one in particular and for how long will I tolerate all these?
In early 2ooo when all these happened, Gsm has not been introduced. Nitel was on top of the game then. As it was, not every home had a land line. So it was not so easy for me to communicate with my family. However, there is this family who lived nearby that has a telephone in their house. So any time am feeling down, I will go there to call my elder sister so as to put myself in a lighter mood. While talking with her, I avoided telling her what I was passing through in my matrimonial home. Reasons being that firstly, I was ashamed to start telling people of my matrimonial problems and secondly, I wouldn’t know who is eavesdropping somewhere .If the bubble bust, it will get to my husband, and that will spell more problems for me.
It got to a point I had to make up my mind to take things the way they are. Because I have come to the full realization that the only way for one to be happy is for one to try and put up with thing that is difficult to change while surrendering to God who is omniscient. This was the method I adopted, and it helped me a great deal to cope with the situation at hand.
In May 2000 the National Youth Service posting came out. I was posted to Cross Rivers State against my husband’s wish of my being posted to Kaduna State. When this news got to me, I was overjoyed. At least in the next one year, I will be free from all these ‘wahalas’ that had besieged me in recent time.
But did I get the freedom and joy that I sought for?
Find out in the ‘Part 4’ of this ‘stories straight from the heart’.NO REGRETS.