My name is nelly( real name withheld) I got married to a man 13years older than me because I felt he will take care of me more than any younger person. This man was a family friend and I believed that this is to my advantage. We didn’t really court as I trusted that he is a good man. He tried his best to give me all that I ask for before our wedding. So I was happy that I accepted his proposal.
But I was proved wrong just one month after our wedding in December, 1999.
On the 3rd of January 2000, we left for Kaduna state so that he can resume work on the 6th.
One faithful Saturday morning I ask my husband for some money so that I can make my hair. He told me he has no money and that I should go and cut my hair. I thought that is was a joke. But no he was dead serious. This was the genesis of my problems in his house. he turned completely into a total stranger. I would never have imagined myself marrying such a man. I had always asked God to give me a peaceful and loving husband like my father. I had never for once seen my father and mother quarrelling. I and my sibblings were all raised in a loving and peaceful atmosphere. So I did not bargain for what am being confronted with in my matrimonial home.
He will come back from work by 5pm, change his cloths and off he goes to play the game of ‘Draft’. The next time you will see him is by 9pm.
On weekends, he spends the whole day playing draft only to come back just to have his launch and off he goes again. I complained and complained letting him know that am always feeling lonely and needs him more at home. But no, he would not listen to me. He is such an egocentric person. I had no friends and nowhere to go to. I was almost killed with boredom. I regretted a hundred times over for marrying him. But what can I do because I soon became pregnant with my first baby I can’t think of divorce at this stage, even if I did my family won’t support me. I kept all that happened away from my family. As a matter of fact I feel so ashamed that am having all these problems at this early stage of my marriage.
Because of the pregnancy, I added so much weight that most of my cloths could not size me any longer. Each time I requested for money to buy new cloths, body cream and other things I need. I get the same answer.’ No money’. I started converting my gowns to skirts so that I can wear it with a polo shirt. It got to a point that I stopped going to Church because I had no cloths to put on. But he was past caring. I was devastated, and didn’t know what to do.
Am I to fight with him? Do I stop talking or cooking for him to express my displeasure? I did none of these, rather I had to tell one of his uncle’s wife who was leaving close by. She advised me to try and be saving money from my shopping every week to enable me buy the thing I need. I heeded her advice.
To save money I decided to inflate my shopping list. I did this for a month and I was able to save enough to buy me a Nigerian print (What we call ‘Aba na Anya’ in the Eastern part of the country). You really can guess how much I was able to save. Nevertheless, I was happy that I had a little money to spend. Now I can wear a new cloth. I had another challenge which was how to tell my husband about the new cloth. I was new in Kaduna and do not have friends or family there. Knowing his kind of person, he might start suspecting me and will go to the extent of making trouble with me. So I had no option but to tell my husband the truth.
You will be shocked to hear what he did next…
Keep a date with us for the ‘Part Two’ of ‘No Regrets’. DON’T MISS OUT.
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‘NO REGRETS’ (Part 1)